today on Facebook people are talking an awful lot about gay rights, gay acceptance, the tendency of gay teenagers to take their lives, and also about the recent gay bashing that happened in my city.
so, today is a good day to talk about the fact that I am not straight.
I think it’s a little weird that I’m not super open about that fact. it comes up, and I’m not ashamed, but I don’t think it’s widely known that I would date women if I had the chance. considering how openly gay-positive I am, it’s phenomenally perplexing that I’m not that open about myself.
in university I realized I was bisexual, and especially near the end I heavily identified as bi. I hate hate hate that word, though, which is part of the reason I just don’t say it much. other reasons I’ve never really talked about it much: I have never dated a woman, until recently I’d never done more than kiss a girl, it’s kind of easier and more socially acceptable to talk about how much I like boys, and since I realized I am bisexual I have worried that people would misunderstand my bisexuality for lesbianism.
I am not a lesbian, and unfortunately I don’t actually trust that society will label me properly. bisexuality doesn’t seem to be very accepted or understood. from what I’ve seen and read, lots of folks believe that you are either straight or gay with little in between. there’s also this adorable little thing called bi-curiosity. I don’t think I’m bi-curious. I don’t think it’s just a matter of wanting to smooch a few girls and see how it feels; I genuinely would like to date a woman.
however, it began in university and continues to this day that I worry that people will just label me as a lesbian rather than as bisexual. and I do lean more towards liking men than women, so I’ve never really wanted to be that public about my bisexuality. I also haven’t needed to be that out, because for the most part I’ve been satisfied with dating men.
also quite frankly, I know I look kinda butch. like I said, I do worry a lot that if I am public about liking girls, that people will think I like only girls. I just don’t want to close any options off.
when I joined Facebook, I am ashamed to say I indicated on it that I was interested in men. happily, though, earlier this year I removed that reference. embarrassingly, though, instead of putting that I like men and women, I just don’t have anything in that spot at all. it feels like a giant copout. I don’t like it. I’m also friends with my mom on Facebook, though, and while I think if I came home with a girlfriend my parents would eventually be okay with it, I just don’t want to worry them now if it turns out I’ll date mostly men in the end. I definitely feel like a traitor to my sexuality, but I also just don’t want to fight about it now.
so, there you have it. I have always been gay positive but never super open about my own sexuality. I’m going to try and be more open. not just to open up my own dating possibilities, but also because in hiding myself, I’m doing a great disservice to other bisexual folks.
I saw this great image on Facebook today. it said, “some people are gay. get over it.” yes! we all need to just get over it.
