I broke up with FG tonight. I took it harder than he did, of course.
I’m not angry anymore, just sad. we actually had a good talk tonight. pushing people away is something he is good at, he says. it made me really sad.
I also push people away. it’s really hard letting others in. I am great at superficial friends, and I am great at pretty decent friends. but, best friends that last over time? I don’t have any. I’ve had long friendships but I just don’t feel like I am good at connecting for a long time. maybe I’m better at it than I realize, though. there are a lot of things I’m good at that I think I suck at. it’s something I think about.
lately I’ve also been thinking about how I was always grateful that I moved so much as a kid (every 3 – 4 years). I thought it made me good at making friends, and good at welcoming new people into the group. I am always nice to the new kid. and it did teach me those things and I like that part of my personality, but I’m beginning to wonder if it also made me bad at long term relationships too. I just realized now that my first and only big relationship lasted 6.5 years, and I’ve always said it lasted 2 years longer than it should have. interesting. and sad.
FG and I are going to still be friends. I think we’ll still be good friends. I hope so.
for the record, we were together for four months. that’s tied for second longest relationship for me. sigh.
