as of today I have a new motto. “if you don’t want to talk to me, then you don’t get to date me.”
I’ve been frustrated with FG lately. it feels like something is missing. it feels like he’s keeping me away, and I don’t like it. is he bad at dating like me? is he scared? is he just not that into me? hard to tell. or, I haven’t been able to admit the truth.
so yesterday I tried to have a talk. especially since earlier in the day he sent me a text saying, “sorry I was grumpy last night. I guess I have some shit to sort out.” I tried to talk to him, and instead he refused to look at me and kept his gaze focused on the tv. oh, and he told me that talking wasn’t his style. and he told me that he wasn’t really looking for a girlfriend until he had his life sorted out. when I pointed out that nobody has their life sorted out, he didn’t reply. he just stared at the tv. I even said that if he just wanted to be friends, that I’d be okay with that. I gave him a big out and he didn’t take it. he just ignored me.
eventually I let it go. he had a nap.
seriously, where do I find these guys? either all men who are interested in me are complete jerks, or I turn men into complete jerks. I’m willing to bet it’s both.
I didn’t end things. I was so shocked that he reacted the way he did. this morning I woke up and realized it was over. we have plans tomorrow night and I think it will be kinda fun so I’m not cancelling them. I thought that if he bothered to text me today that I might end things today, but it’s almost 8pm and I haven’t heard anything. so, tomorrow we will go out. and either before the night ends, or on Wednesday evening, or sometime early next week because I’m going away for the weekend, we will have a make or break conversation. considering I plan to begin with “I am not happy with you, and you don’t seem to care, so I don’t want to date you anymore,” I’m pretty sure that we will not last through that conversation.
mostly people today have congratulated me for being strong and not putting up with crap. mostly today I have felt like I have once again failed, and I am four months closer to dying alone.
hello Angry Me. welcome back. it’s been a while. I haven’t missed you at all, by the way.
